Semua Berawal dari Interaksi Emosional

Interaksi emosional ibu dan anak pada tahun-tahun pertama kehidupan anak, ternyata menjadi dasar bagi terbentuknya kepribadian anak. Ini diungkapkan oleh Stanley I. Greenspan, M.D., seorang profesor dan praktisi di bidang psikiatri anak. Ia yang telah berkecimpung selama puluhan tahun menggeluti anak-anak dengan berbagai permasalahan, dalam beberapa bukunya mengungkapkan pentingnya relasi yang timbul dari interaksi emosional ini. Dia mengatakan bahwa seorang anak tumbuh menjadi pintar, kreatif, mampu berpikir logis, mampu memecahkan masalah, namun juga penuh kasih sayang dan empati, serta bermoral baik, kuncinya terletak pada pengalaman emosional yang dialami anak tersebut semasa kecilnya, yaitu sebuah perjalanan masa kecil yang 'kaya' bersama orangtuanya. Hal yang paling esensial untuk menumbuhkan inteligensi, moral, empati, intimasi dengan orang lain, kepercayaan diri, bukanlah mainan edukasi, kelas pra-sekolah yang bagus, les-les ataupun kegiatan ekstrakurikuler yang memadati jadwal, melainkan adalah DIRI KITA, yaitu waktu yang kita berikan untuk mereka, tiap jam, tiap hari, tiap minggu, tiap tahun, untuk mengadakan interaksi intim dengan mereka yang kaya emosi. Anak-anak kita membutuhkan pikiran kita, kehadiran kita, dan juga jiwa kita. 

Berikut adalah cuplikan dari isi buku "The Four-Thirds Solution" karangan Stanley I. Greenspan dan Jacqueline Salmon.

Over the years, in my research and practice, I have learned much about how children grow emotionally and intellectually and the ways in which they develop the traits that are critically important in adulthood. We’ve discovered that children move through stages, or milestones, in their first three years. We can even pinpoint in some details certain emotional interactions that must occur between children and those who care for them at each stage of their development if they are to master these milestones.

In other words, we are beginning to sketch out the road map to the development of an intelligent, creative, logical, can-do person who can think in abstraction and solve tough problems and yet also be nurturing and empathetic. We now know that such individuals have experienced specific types of emotional interactions. We’ve been able to divide these critical experiences into six stages. In addition, the elusive moral compass we all so desperately want for our children appears to develop from these same emotional interactions. Our children’s sense of self, as well as their self-esteem, also blossom as a result of traveling this rich journey with their parents.

Some of these interactions take place in the seemingly silly make-believe games we play with babies in which we pretend to be their horse of favorite bunny. During an infinite number of subtle, day-to-day encounters, we tune into our infants’. Toddlers’, and preschoolers’ emotional reactions to the world with our own emotional chemistry.

This journey is not all fun and games. Some of the important interactions take place during the difficult times of parenting: When we’re in the trenches, struggling to deal with a small child’s stubbornness, anger, of willfulness or cuddling and rocking them because they’re irritable or upset, we are giving them priceless lesson.

The most important point to remember is this : The essential ingredient needed to grow intelligence, morality, intimacy, empathy, sense of self, and self-esteem in our children is not educational toys, nursery school classes, trips, tutoring, or the extracurricular activities that fill our schedules and those of our children to the brim. The key ingredient is regular, substantial doses of us. The hours we devote each day, each week, each month, each year to every imaginable type of intimate interaction with babies and small children – through pretend play, empathetically reading their emotional signals and moods, debating with them, satisfying their curiosity about the world, guiding them within the structure of firm values and limits-all of these go toward this ultimate goal of raising a warm, intelligent, moral human being. Our children require our minds, our presence, and souls. In practical terms, this means they require more of us than our busy society encourages.

(Greenspan, S.I., Salmon, J., 2002. The Four-Thirds Solution. Da Capo Press. hal.6-8)

Satu lagi, Apa Kata Ahli

Mari kita tengok kata psikiater anak terkemuka, yang namanya sudah tidak asing lagi dalam dunia psikiatri anak dan psikologi perkembangan anak, Stanley I. Greenspan, M.D., tentang pentingnya relasi orangtua-anak dan pentingnya jumlah waktu kebersamaan orangtua dengan anak. Yah, sejauh yang saya ketahui, semua para ahli perkembangan anak, yang benar-benar peduli dengan anak, selalu mendukung orangtua untuk memberikan perhatian dan waktu yang cukup untuk anak-anaknya. Mereka ini tak dapat berpaling ataupun berkelit dari kenyataan bahwa anak-anak sangat membutuhkan kehadiran orangtua, bahkan ketika mereka harus menghadapi sikap kontra dari pihak-pihak yang tidak setuju terhadap saran mereka yang dinilai bertentangan dengan gerakan feminisme, yaitu menghalangi para ibu untuk berkarier, atau merugikan pihak pebisnis day-care. Satu alasannya, mereka hanya ingin anak-anak mendapat yang terbaik. 

Buku : The Irreducible Needs of Children

Dalam buku ini, dibahas bahwa 3 dari 6 kebutuhan anak yang mutlak harus dipenuhi agar anak berkembang optimal antara lain adalah :

1. Kebutuhan akan sebuah relasi yang mengayomi yang berkesinambungan.
2. Kebutuhan akan perlindungan fisik, keamanan, dan keteraturan.
3. Kebutuhan akan komunitas yang stabil dan suportif.

 Berikut adalah review yang ditulis oleh salah satu pembacanya : 
"Gail Hudson's review above words things a little oddly. True, you could argue that this book says children ideally should be in day care less than 30 hours a week, but what it actually says it that ideally, an infant should be at home with a full=time parent! Less than ideal is excellent day care, and it should not happen more than 30 hours a week.

These and other specifics are in this book - how many floor sessions to have with a toddler, how much holding time an infant needs, how many hours of one on one an elementary schooler needs. This book is marvelous. All parents will find they've fallen short of the ideal, but here's some directions to follow in geting back on track."

Buku : The Four-Third Solution

Review :

"Back in the Middle Ages (or before 1965), Mom usually stayed home while the children were little, and enjoyed playing with her children. Since then, the new ideal is for parents to both have great educations, demanding careers, and a nice family. The research in 1965 said that with "quality time" and love that all of this was possible. Now, Dr. Greenspan argues that until age five children need to have a lot of dedicated time from the same caregiver, ideally a parent, and not too much time in loosely supervised day care. The research in this book suggests that almost all day care is not "quality time" and such day care must be held to a minimum.

The basic concept of how to deal with this is to first have the parents rethink their lives so that the children get the attention they need while under five, and use the best quality day care you can access the rest of the time. While the book's title suggests that each parent works two-thirds time and parents one-third time, in practice most families will adopt some other solution that creates at least two-thirds of one parent's time to be with the youngest children in the family. The book contains six examples of how this is accomplished (including one divorced couple splitting days and visiting briefly each day, one stay-at-home Dad, one "tag-team" couple who works adjacent shifts and covers for the family when off duty, one "working out of the home" Dad, a traditional family where Mom does the heavy parenting and Dad helps out when not working, and one couple who does the two-thirds, two-thirds part-time jobs solution suggested by the book's title)."